Woman doesn’t want husband’s former stepkids to join their first vacation: ‘I’m now seriously considering canceling the vacation altogether if my husband insists on changing the plan’

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Olivia Arocena • Writer and Editor
Oct 7, 2026 6:00 PM EDT

The real conflict isn't about the boys; it's about the disproportionate distribution of caregiving chores

The fact that the husband will be there too doesn't mean his labor is equal. I suppose it isn't equal when it's only their kids either, but at least there are fewer people to care for.

The woman in this story anticipates her vacation experience becoming about remembering schedules, organizing meals, handling meltdowns, cleaning after the kids, and organizing herself around everyone's needs, while her husband gets to sit back, relax, and enjoy the view.

The ex offering to pay for everything is completely beside the point. She could literally give her extra money if she wants, but the labor and the emotional exhaustion won't be worth it.  What I do think is relevant is that she places a boundary only for the other two kids from the other woman's previous marriage. I think that is less about labor and more about who she really considers part of the family and who she doesn't, even subconsciously.

What's happening to this woman is normal and understandable, but when we are trying to blend a big family, we have to know that situations like these might come up. I'm not saying she should stop complaining and go on vacation. I definitely think labor division should be equal, but there is something to be thought about in relation to those two kids.

Wouldn't it be a little unfair if they went without them? Maybe not; I don't know, but that should definitely be handled by the husband who doesn't seem very hands-on.

I guess it's fair to say that if talking doesn't work, cancelling the vacation and using the money for something else is a much better option than going on vacation to get stressed and exhausted. Do whatever it takes to relax! You deserve it!

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  • AITH for not wanting my husband's former stepkids to come on our first family vacation?

    I'm 41F and my husband (44M) and I have been married for 7 years. We have two kids together, a 9-year-old son and a 5- year-old daughter. My husband also has a 12- year-old daughter from a
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  • previous relationship. He was with her mom for several years, and during that relationship he also helped raise her two boys. from an earlier marriage. He isn't their legal parent, but they've always
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  • considered him family and he's still very close with them. Since we all live fairly close, the kids see each other often and we usually include everyone for birthdays, holidays, and family events.
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • For years my husband and I have talked about taking our kids on a proper vacation, but between work, school, and having a younger child, it never happened. We finally decided to do it this
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • summer and booked a week at a big resort in Florida with the kids. This was supposed to be our first real family vacation where we weren't just visiting relatives or doing a weekend somewhere.
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  • A few weeks ago, my husband mentioned the trip to his ex because their daughter would obviously be going too. Apparently his daughter later got into an argument with her older brothers while they were at
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  • their mom's house and, in the heat of it, told them that she was going to Florida and they weren't. Since then, the boys have. apparently been upset with her and have been making comments about the trip whenever she
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  • comes over. My husband and his ex have now decided that the "solution" is to bring both boys with us. His ex says she'll pay for their flights, hotel room,
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • park tickets, food, and whatever else they need. She just wants them to feel included so there isn't any resentment between the kids. My husband thinks it'll actually be fun and says they've all known each other for years
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • anyway. I don't hate these kids. That's not the issue at all. But adding two teenagers to what was supposed to be our first vacation with our own children changes the entire trip. More
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  • planning, more responsibility, more people. to keep track of, and less time for us to actually enjoy the vacation as a family. My husband keeps saying his ex will pay for everything, but money isn't really the point. When I
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  • said I wasn't comfortable with the idea, he accused me of treating those boys like strangers. I told him I understand that he loves them and I respect the relationship they have, but that doesn't automatically mean I have to turn every
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  • Cheezburger Image 10669581312
    via Vitaly Gariev

    Somebody will have to talk to the boys

    Image for illustrative purposes

  • family vacation into a giant group trip. The boys haven't been told about the idea yet, which is probably the only thing stopping this from becoming an even bigger mess. I'm now seriously
    via Smooshiesmoosh
  • considering cancelling the vacation altogether if my husband insists on changing the plan. I feel awful because I know they're kids and none of this is really their fault. But I also don't think our first family vacation should be
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  • redesigned because one argument between the kids got out of hand. AITH?
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  • EDIT: I think I should clarify a few things because I'm getting a lot of comments saying I'm acting like these kids are strangers to me. That really isn't the case. I've known them for years and whenever all the kids are
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  • together, I'm usually involved in taking care of everyone. Earlier this year we actually took a short weekend trip with all the kids, and my husband ended up spending a lot of that trip doing his own thing while I was the one
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  • keeping an eye on everyone, making sure they ate, getting them ready, and dealing with the little arguments. I didn't mind helping at the time, but afterward my husband and I talked about how different we wanted our
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  • first proper family vacation to be. That's why we specifically agreed this trip would just be me, him, our two kids, and his daughter. His two former stepkids were supposed to stay with his
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  • sister during that week because she had originally volunteered to have them. Then she suddenly changed her plans because she and her boyfriend decided to take their own holiday instead. That's when my husband
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  • and his ex came up with the idea of sending the boys with us. My biggest fear is honestly that we'll go on this expensive vacation and end up repeating the same thing as our last trip. My
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  • husband gets caught up doing activities or going off with his daughter, and I end up being the one staying behind with the younger kids, making sure. everyone is fed, rested, organized, etc. So when people say, "Their dad will
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  • be there too," that doesn't really reassure me because I know how things have gone before. I love these kids and I absolutely don't want them feeling unwanted. I just don't want our first family vacation to turn into
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  • another situation where I'm basically the default caregiver while everyone else is having fun.
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  • Kooky-Impression7972. Sounds like your husband is the problem, not the kids. Have a talk with him about sharing the responsibility of taking care of all the kids while you travel.
    via Kooky-Impression7972
  • nebane6567 The kids arent the problem here. The husband who refuses to actually be a full parent on a trip is the problem. Mom becomes the default concierge, valet, etc. She should just reach out to her girlfriends and go on vacation with them.
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  • Cheezburger Image 10669581568
    via Natalya Zaritskaya

    Will they make it to their vacation?

    Recreated scenario included to enhance reader understanding

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